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Yiannis of Metal Temple (Holiday Special)

Interview with Yiannis of Metal Temple from Holiday Special
by Orpheus Spiliotopoulos at 29 January 2006, 7:11 PM

Every building has its architect, every painting has its artist and this world would definitely not be this world if it weren't for human creativity. Metal Temple magazine wouldn't have existed if it weren't for the infamous dark figure that lurks in the gothiest of streets of the cyberworld. Yiannis (or John if you prefer) is one incurable metalhead with a passion for what he does and we love him dearly. In fact we wouldn't change this guy for the world. Here is my rather (ridiculous) in depth interview with my favorite webmaster in the whole wide universe…<br><br>\[P.S. If you're wondering why the hell we're still calling it a Holiday Special, it's because we like partying 12 months a year…I guess]

What does it take to be the webmaster of a Heavy Metal magazine like Metal Temple? Does it involve nude photos?

It takes two drops of unicorn blood, the left ear of an old dwarf, Uwe Boll’s ability to direct, a child’s laughter and three copies of Attack of the Killer Tomatos Part III DVDs. All these things were sacrificed to summon me and I’ve been around ever since. The only way to dispell me is a nude photo of Condoleezza Rice. Then again that’s enough to make Satan himself cry like a little baby from despair.

Have you ever dyed your hair pink?

No and even though Katrina and Dimitra beg me to, I shall not succumb. If they’re willing to dye their hair too while prancing around me and chanting calls to Cthulhu and the Great Old Ones, and they’re willing to pay the shitload of money it would take to dye my hair, I may consider that. Perhaps.

What do you consider to be your top moment while being the webmaster of Metal Temple magazine?

When Tarja Turunen (ex-Nightwish singer) called me at home for a phone interview while I was watching the Looney Toons. It was the beginning of an epic struggle between my childish and adult personalities that lived in perfect harmony till then. And shit. I’m so good with words. And I can also be quite dramatic. Carrying you dead drunk out of Texas Club and having you admitting various activities related to your rectum cavity while I was recording was another one. Also I’ll never forget an old receptionist at a hotel who was taking a picture of Therion’s Christopher Johnson and I while we were doing the horns sign… and he was trying to convince me not to do that ’cause Satan would get me.

Which band would you gladly bash by doing a website just to show the world how much they suck and why do you believe that particular band sucks?

Rhapsody. Definitely. I would name the site Tribute to the Masters of all that is more Epic, Pure and True than ten thousand elves charging the hordes of the masturbating mountain dwarves in the valley of the ancient willows where the black dragons roared the cloudy sky just before the rain drops fell in the stream where the blood of the mighty warriors flowed just as they clashed over the grave of the white bearded King of the Golden Kingdom where his wife bore him five sons and two maidens that ruled the land in kindness and wisdom until the evil sorcerer took all of this away with his evil spells and a piece of cabbage.

It would be a bitch for Google to index but it would be SO worth it. Watch their Holy Thunderforce video clip and if you still wonder why they suck, then perhaps you should reconsider the positive effects of that lobotomy.

Would you ever shave your ass and tattoo Metal Temple Rules on it?

The only tattoo I would ever do on my ass would be Keep out, off limits. Exit only. These are dangerous times we live in and with bands like H.I.M. around, you never know. Better be safe than sorry.

What’s your opinion on Spongebob Squarepants?…

You mean the one who lives in a pineapple under the sea, absorbant and yellow and pourous is he, if nautical nonsense be something you wish, then drop on the deck and flub like a fish?

Never heard of him. Nor am I a member of the Spongebob Metal Temple Club that I have never founded with Panos. And you definitely won’t see two hairy dudes calling each other Mr. Krabs and Spongebob outside the venue where Kreator will perform shortly after. Rumors that a big Spongebob plush, gift from another hardcore badass editor rests somewhere in my room are highly inaccurate and utter lies. And I didn’t get another one as a gift for my name day from friends and another editor. Nope. Watching reruns for the 5th time is also a huge lie. Is this a trick question?

Would you ever trade Metal Temple for a Porn site? If so, would the unemployed staff of Metal Temple get some sort of discount in accessing that website?

Nope, Tracy Lords is not in the business anymore so I guess you are all safe.

What does Yiannis Mitsakos do in his spare time?

Sleeping, driving fast, sometimes both at the same time. Improving my art of burping and scratching takes a lot of my spare time too.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause Jesus wasn’t around and the road was all it had to cross. You may not get it but my Norwegian brothers in corpse paint will and they shall sneer out of their fangs. Har har.

Have you ever cut the cheese while interviewing some famous Metal band? Did that affect the course of the interview?

Actually no, but close. My first interview was with Therion’s Christopher Johnsson.The one with the old guy calling us future residents of Hell. The guy I was supposed to get it with (won’t reveal his name, former editor) not only was he late almost 2 hours but while we waited for our turn he was sitting really close to Chris and farted all the time. I was really embarassed ’cause he didn’t do anything to keep it silent, instead he was like Oooooh that was a good one! but it was loud outside and he didn’t notice that; at least I think so…

What is the best concert you have ever attended? What made it so special?

Tough one. Black Sabbath was the most emotional live gig because we saw the fathers of Metal perform the way they should in front of tens of thousands of people. I’ll never get over that flaming sea of lighters during Black Sabbath. But if I try to be neutral, I’d say that the latest two times I’ve watched Therion have been a hair raising experience, I still think that they are the best performers on stage. Awe is the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of a Therion concert. And Kreator still owe me a new neck, Mille should wait for a bill damn it.

Ok, inquiring minds would like to know what your opinion is on Nu Metal…

With the danger of sounding like an old lady, one of the terms I set for this magazine when it first started was that in no way would we support this huge, steaming pile of shit. The big corporations and TV networks figured out a way to make easy money; support this kind of music, based on angry kids (and sometimes adults) in baggy pants who just know how to yell fuck society because their dad won’t let them get the family station wagon to go to the mall. And since a real instrument is too hard to play, they just bang on their guitars like monkeys and scratch some samples on the turntables. It is an abomination and as all trends it will die eventually. I’m just afraid of what MTV will promote next. Gangsta Metal?

In the past you have been accused by a reporter of some other Greek Metal mag. for the felonious crime of making up statistics for the Magazine. Is it true that you can upload Server Statistics with the sole use of your mind? Does Yoda have anything to do with all this?

*In Yoda voice* Editor not liked visitors we had and makes fun of us even when total access to server I offered him. Server Stats I can change with my mind, he said. Having the Force I don’t, Stats to change I replied. He did not believe me. In the end, oh well, who gives a flying fuck.

If you were able to change something in the music industry, what would that be? (hey, this question reminds me of Michael for some weird reason…)

Probably ’cause you think of him too often. The fact that you call him fluffy bunny wabbit doesn’t help either. I would ban eMpTyV from the face of this earth, drop the CD prices and give the biggest percentage of earnings to the artists, execute in public all the artists that sell their asses and not their voices and force Ritchie Blackmore and Dio to reunite and do a world tour with Rainbow. In case you see me running for President, vote for me. *does Nixon’s lame victory sign with both hands and shoulders over the head*

What’s your favorite:

1) Quote: Est Sularus Oth Mithas2) Pajama: I sleep in chain mail ’cause I’m true.3) Food: Spaghetti Bolegnese.4) Porn movie: Greece vs France - Euro 2004 Semi-Final.5) Female body feature: Lack of eyesight.6) NBA player: Erwin Magic Johnson.7) Movie director: Peter Jackson.8) Night club: Texas Club since forever, except for the time when they weren’t playing Metal but crappy mainstream Rock songs, that really sucked and I prefered to watch a movie. But then it went back to the way it should be so fuck yeah!9) Time of the day: The night.10) Movie: Lord of the Rings trilogy, extended versions. And no, I don’t enjoy dressing up as an elven maiden, my legs are too hairy.

It’s been 5 years since it all started, you bloody, two timing, hairy lookin’, Nevermore loving, goth endorsing, photoshop abusing, Spongebob craving (in a sexual kind of way)…webmaster. What are thy final words for anyone who dares to read this interview?

If you made it so far, you’re probably just a friend of mine who read this much. So, Celia, we should arrange for coffee soon, Andreas, Windows NT4 still sucks and Makis, I called George and arranged for Battlefield 2 online. And a huge, big THANKS to all of our readers, people who love us and especially people who hate us and force me to work harder ’cause as we all know I wouldn’t otherwise. And sorry for that H.I.M. review, Panagiotis is not allowed to watch cartoons for a whole month. Try not to cry when Operation: Mindcrime II hits the shelves, rest in pieces, weed won’t kill you, I will.

And as the mighty Chris Barnes would say: BLARGH!



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