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Evemaster – III

by Eric “Carnegie” Hall at 14 May 2012, 5:49 PM

Yeah, it’s alright.

I hope that preceding sentence was clear enough, because that’s all I’m going to say. Maybe it’s because my idea bin is burned out after the last review I wrote – or maybe it’s that this album had absolutely no endearing characteristics that pulled me in. It’s Gothic / Black Metal for the Gothic / Black Metal fan.

This review is going to suck, mostly for the reason that I have no particular feelings for this album. It’s like asking me what I think of the gray-ish smudge on the side of the refrigerator. I can’t really say much, and even if I tried to stretch it out by artificially adding superfluous, unnecessary sentences about nothing in particular – I’d be doing a disservice to gray-ish refrigerator smudges everywhere.

So I won’t do that. I’m not going to waste your time, or mine, by padding out this review one word longer then it needs to be. “III” is an example of an album that – I guess – crosses genres and makes sort of its own thing. That’s fine and all, by all means experiment. I’d much rather listen to this then that spacy bullshit I just had to wash down like glass shards. In that sense, yes “III” is pretty damned good. I hope that sounded kind enough, because I’m about to sound very, very bitter.

But it doesn’t really stick with me. Some of the material is decent enough to warrant a possible second go-around, but a lot of it is less like gold and more like some other less-precious metal. I’m just impossible to please; my bar is set so high you can limbo underneath it without even the slightest bend of your back. But that is just me being an elitist cunt, so take it or leave it.

It’s good, it’s alright, and it’s decent. It’s all those nice-sounding adjectives you can surmise. But it’s nothing spectacular. And I feel let down, because my sense of humor relies on the hyperbolic nature of something either being so amazing you bleed from your eyes with pleasure or so horrendous you die of bowel cancer. Well, “III” is not joyful eye blood or a malignant colon tumour, it’s just some boring middle child no one gives a shit about - especially me.

3 Star Rating

1. Enter
2. New Age Dawns
3. Humanimals
4. Losing Ground
5. The Great Unrest
6. The Sweet Poison
7. Harvester of Souls
8. Fevered Dreams
9. Absolution
Tomi Mykanen– All Instrumental/Vocals
Jarno Taskula- Vocals
Record Label: Inverse Records


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