Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, let me breathe a sigh of relief. I’ve been stuck in a long, boring abyss of terrible fucking Death Metal for the last few weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I love Death Metal – but I’ll be the first to tell you that most of it is shit. Having said that, now it’s time for something fresh and new, and I think the best way to do that is to review a release from one of the oldest active Thrash Metal acts in existence. Yes, I do believe that will do.
KREATOR, oh how I love you. Next to
CORONER, you are definitely my favourite Germanic Thrash band. Actually, seeing as how
CORONER plays one show a decade in the states and doesn’t make any new material or do anything, you essentially win this award by default. Well, this band has several landmark releases from their early days. I’m not going to name them because my editor-in-chief is a lazy prick who demands we all have to embolden and capitalize every band and release we name – and I don’t feel like having to do that. So just think of your favourite album by
KREATOR. I’ll wait. Come to think of it, my editor-in-chief is not a lazy prick. But he does make demands and I don’t like being told that I have to put real effort into things so fuck him J. Well, forget what I just wrote. My editor-in-chief is an upstanding individual with fine professional qualities, and I’m sure his hygiene is exemplary.
Sorry, lost my train of thought. After
KREATOR took an unexpected and unwanted trip to Industrial Rock Peninsula, they came back to Thrash Metal Island because they weren’t selling albums for shit and no one wanted to listen to anything called
”Endorama”. So with
“Violent Revolution”,
“Enemy of God” and
“Hordes of Chaos” KREATOR did the right thing and capitulated to fan demand and returned to form. Thank you, Jesus – even though I don’t worship or believe in your divinity in any way for that. If they had made another
“Renewal” or
“Cause for Conflict” the amount of disappointment I felt would’ve reached critical mass and all complex life upon the face of the Earth would cease to live (assuming ammo supplies never ran dry and cheap airfare).
So, here we are. It’s 2012, and since we have only six months until the end of the Mayan long-count calendar and all life will end anyway for some arbitrary reason, let’s have a look at
KREATOR’s newest thing. Speaking of things, I hate that thing where people compare something by saying that it is “if X married Y and had a kid, it’d be this…”, but this album certainly sounds as if
“Terrible Certainty” had an extramarital affair with
“Hordes of Chaos”behind
“Violent Revolution”’s back. I am aware of the rather limited scope of that analogy, but that is basically what it is. Please forgive me or fuck off. By the way, since this is an actual, successful band with actual fans and actual album sales, expect this review to be longer because I actually give a shit about this band.
I haven’t yet formed an opinion relating to this album’s quality, but the more I listen to it, the more I like it. That’s good, because that must mean it’s good. The guitar work is perfectly thrashy, and several riffs are written to the point of complete metaphysical badassery. I don’t know
Ventor, but he can certainly drum the hell out of those drums. You should all know
Mille at this point, his vocal style hasn’t changed since his “ambient goth industrial” phase of the nineties, so expect that growl he does that’s as delicious as apple pie would be if it shouted at you. I can’t say much about the bass, as I couldn’t fucking hear it.
You know, as bands go, this one certainly has aged well. Many other outfits get older, shit starts sagging, and everything just goes to hell faster than a sinner with a jetpack and roller skates. And yet,
KREATOR is still able to grab you by the shoulder blades and rain blow after blow upon you, with music off course.
Well, after all this is done, I must take off my
KREATOR-brand beer goggles and review it fairly. It is pretty good, but I must say that I think
“Enemy Of God” is their best modern release. Maybe that’s because they spent the last decade making garbage albums for people who like listening to the boring drawl of a German man who doesn’t speak English particularly well.
After much consideration, I’ve decided to go with a solid 8. I’d say 9, but I can’t because, in retrospect, there were a couple parts that didn’t really resonate well or stick to the mind’s ear particularly strongly. But it’s still good, good enough for me to forget about reviewing the unimportant garbage on my docket for a while and just listen to this for a couple more days.
Oh the hell with it, I’m making it a 9. Fuck you, everyone. (I’m assuming you’re mad about arbitrarily raising my score at the last second)