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Royal Thunder – CVI

Royal Thunder
CVI
by Eric “Carnegie” Hall at 09 May 2012, 9:36 PM

Someone once asked me from where my creativity comes from. “Where do you get the ideas?” I vaguely remember cracking wise and saying I got them from Thailand (or something to that effect) – but to be honest, I don’t really know. Take this introductory paragraph, for example. It’s not really going anywhere, it’s just idle information passing time and upping my word count artificially. In that sense, it’s a lot like ROYAL THUNDER and their release, "CVI".

I’d best describe it as Ambient Gothic Rock, and I’d willingly admit that’s probably not the best description. That’s partly because I lack the clear-headedness to adequately label it, and also because the music sucks. Well, it doesn’t actually suck – but it does work the tip a bit and cradle the scrotum. That may actually work into their favour later on, as my mood and attitude changes with each passing paragraph, so let’s just wait and see.

This album is trying to do something I can’t really get behind. It has some decent riffs, some well-written melodies and insightful pieces, but then again, even a terrible album can make that claim. In that same sense, even a blind, deaf, crippled retarded squirrel with no arms and no teeth will eventuallyfind a nut. So all those points can go out the window like a jilted lover.

The problem I’m having with this band is the channel they are on. It sounds like RUSH mixed sperm with PINK FLOYD, and the entire genre of Alt Rock. I like both of those bands, but somewhere the sperm didn’t mix quite just right. All it did was create some malformed mutant with intermingled genes that vomits its own blood up and dies mere hours after birth. Yes, I am in a foul mood. What gave me away? For all the good music they have (what little there is), it all just does not work together. One minute we are summoning some kind of spacy, ambient riff, then soon we go into something that sounds like they’re ripping off “Moving Pictures”. No, you can’t do that, I won’t let you.

And to top it all off, it just ends up sounding like a cheesy fucking mess that I bet hipsters will love. And that thought alone makes me dislike this thing. I didn’t want to hate it, but it left me no choice. It’s too bullshitty.

By the way, I’m assuming CVI must mean “Cartoonishly Virulent Idiocy”, because they don’t ever elaborate on the matter. Or maybe it’s just roman numerals. Whatever, I don’t care. FVCK OFF. 

1 Star Rating

Tracklist:
1. Parzons Curse
2. Whispering World
3. Shake and Shift
4. No Good
5. Blue
6. Sleeping Witch
7. South of Somewhere
8. Drown
9. Minus
10. Black Water Vision
Lineup:
Miny Parsonz– Vocals/Bass
Josh Weaver– Guitar
Record Label: Relapse Records
     


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